


to the fire in your heart

by misfortunes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Coming of Age, Gen, Hinata Shouyou-centric, Hinata is that Someone Stronger™, M/M, Post-Time Skip, he loves everyone he meets and they all love him, how hinata grows throughout the years, my very platonic love letter to hinata shouyou and all that he is, oh and hinata goes to brazil and suddenly curses like a sailor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28390020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misfortunes/pseuds/misfortunes
Summary: What Shouyou doesn’t know—what he is still too young to understand—is that he is also filled with incredible strength at ages seven, eight, nine, ten.What he also doesn’t know is that every time he will feel strength from that point onwards, it is going to be in relation to a sport, and how that sport will feed the flame in his chest.What Shouyou doesn’t know yet—but one day will—is that he gets a little stronger every day.———Or Hinata Shouyou can count on his ten fingers all the times he’s felt strong.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 38
Kudos: 170





	to the fire in your heart

**Author's Note:**

> i cannot stress enough how hinata has single-handedly saved my 2020 from being a complete and utter shitshow. the year is now ending, and thus, here is my tribute to him and a gift for hinata stans everywhere.
> 
> special shoutout to [littleboat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboat) for beta-reading this!! this fic happened because i was joking to them about writing an essay on why i love hinata so much and well.. here we are. enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: hinata’s thoughts spiral in #5, feelings of anxiety in #4, and he just curses a lot in brazil

Hinata Shouyou can count on his ten fingers all the times he’s felt strong.

**[ Ten. ]**

Hinata Shouyou is seven. He’s seven, and his mother is his favorite person in the whole world. 

Between playing hide-and-seek and cooking meals, his mother always reminds Shouyou that he is also one of her favorite people in the world.

He used to be the _only_ favorite, but then Natsu came along.

It’s whatever.

(Shouyou only pouted about it for a couple of weeks and then Natsu held his hand for the first time.

Now Natsu’s also his other favorite person.)

Shouyou is only seven, but he understands that his mom works hard. She’s always been busy, and she is even busier after Natsu was born.

Shouyou is less busy though.

He was a lot busier when Natsu was still just a growing bump, making his mother a little slow with errands. So Shouyou was in charge of running to the grocery store. He found new friends in the cashiers and the employees who always greeted him with a warm smile. They were always kind to him, helping him reach anything above the second shelf, packing them in his Pikachu backpack for him, and seeing him off to his bike before he pedaled the two blocks home. 

Shouyou enjoys the two blocks. It’s an adventure every time, a mere six clumsy minutes, but he gets to see the cat outside the red house on the corner chase off the black birds picking at the trash cans. It’s fun.

His mother—er, _their_ mother now—needed Shouyou’s help a lot more before Natsu popped out. Now she’s up and running, doing errands herself, while Shouyou does his homework and watches Natsu.

And Shouyou would say he does a good job at watching her. He does his homework in the living room next to Natsu when his mother is cooking or on a call in the other room. Natsu’s very loud, so when she cries, their mother comes running. Shouyou doesn't really need to do anything but watch.

Sometimes he watches her because they’re home alone. She’s always asleep then. Their mother makes sure of it, that Natsu is tired and completely knocked out, before she leaves Shouyou with a hug and drives to the store.

She never takes more than 20 minutes, but she always comes back looking a little frantic—like she’s worried—and Shouyou doesn’t really understand why.

He’s seven, he’s a grown boy, and he can watch his baby sister sleep with no problem.

“It’s a little boring though,” he tells their mom one day after one of her trips.

She lets out a laugh, but it sounds a little wet.

“You’re a good boy, Shouyou.”

She hugs him for a long time and she cooks his favorite meal for dinner that night. 

Shoyou smiles, feeling happy, but he doesn’t understand that either.

He’s just watching.

**_I'm Hinata Shouyou, from the concrete._ **

Shouyou makes a lot of friends during elementary school. He’s bright, he’s cool, he’s got orange hair, he’s a lot of fun.

He never goes on play dates though. Sometimes his friends get ice cream after school, or they go to each other’s homes to play video games together on the weekend, but Shouyou always goes straight home. 

Natsu is only a baby, and though she may be boring when she’s sleeping, Shouyou has a lot of fun shaking her rattle—it even eventually evolves into playing stuffed animals with her once she gets older.

His mom always reminds him that she’s so proud of him and so grateful for him, but he still doesn’t understand why. He’s just doing his homework while Natsu snores loudly—so loudly—next to him.

He doesn’t really understand why, until he’s ten and it’s the last day of the school year. His friends had begged him to come over the next day and play video games with them — _just once, Shouyou c’mon!_. The next day comes and his mom practically kicks him out of the car when she drops him off for the playdate. 

Natsu cries in her car seat when his mom closes the car door, and he wants to cry a little bit too. 

His friends are cool, but his little sister is his favorite. There’s nothing wrong with that.

When, at the end of the evening, Shouyou goes home, it all makes sense.

Every night, he does his homework while his mom cooks dinner, but tonight, something clicks.

With school over, he doesn’t have homework. Their mom lets him watch his favorite television show, and he pays attention.

He drowns out the show, drowns out his favorite superhero, and drowns out the noise. Instead, he pays attention to his mom. He pays attention to how his mom comes out to the living room every 15 minutes, just to glance and smile over at him and Natsu, checking up on them. He pays attention to how while the pot boils, she’s away at her laptop, finishing up something for work that he knows she’ll be working on even after his bedtime. He pays attention to how she looks a little tired, but happy nonetheless, like she wouldn’t want anything else.

He pays attention, he processes, and he thinks he finally understands.

He understands that his mother, raising two kids by herself, is the strongest person he knows.

(He tells her so over dinner.

She drops her chopsticks, shocked, and immediately bursts into tears. He cries a little bit too.

Natsu cries, too, but it’s because she spilled soy sauce on her stuffed elephant.)

———

Shoyou is ten, and his mother is the strongest person he knows. 

It’s his first time connecting the word “strong” with a person—a feeling—in real life, rather than a superhero in his cartoons.

It is clear that his mother, as a real person in his life, is strong, but he thinks true strength is in the way she carries herself, in the way she built a home, and in the way she has never made Shouyou and Natsu feel anything less than completely and truly loved. 

(What Shouyou doesn’t know—what he is still too young to understand—is that he is also filled with incredible strength at ages seven, eight, nine, ten. He, a small boy, is filled with strength, love, hope, and care.

He has had a flickering flame burning inside him since the day he was born.

What he also doesn’t know is that every time he will feel strength from that point onwards, it is going to be in relation to a sport, and how that sport will feed the flame in his chest.

What Shouyou doesn’t know yet—but one day will—is that he gets a little stronger every day.)

**[ 9.5 ]**

It’s a chilly Wednesday morning later that year when Shouyou discovers volleyball for the first time.

It happens in the middle of a road Shoyou bikes through every day, at a storefront he’s passed by countless times but has never done more than glance at. That morning, something larger than words calls to him to pull the brakes at the sound of an announcer, traveling through a pair of secondhand speakers.

It’s on a grainy television screen outside of an electronics store where Shouyou meets the Tiny Giant for the first time.

It’s a chilly Wednesday morning when Shouyou meets someone as small as he is, but with a strength the size of the stadium that cheers for him.

Shoyou decides that very morning that he wants to be strong, too.

———

(One day, Shouyou will look back and chalk it up to fate that called him to the screen. He’ll come to reminisce on how it was on that fateful, chilly Wednesday morning when the flicker inside his chest lit into a fire for the first time.)

**[ Nine. ]**

Shouyou is fifteen, and he is struggling to hold his shits in when he sees strength again in the form of a thunderous, lanky boy.

The first thing Shouyou really notices is his height, but then the boy turns towards him and Shouyou sees the scrunched nose and condescending glare. If the glare were directed at anyone else but him, he might actually feel bad over the premature face wrinkles this boy is going to get.

Hinata Shouyou is standing outside of a restroom with a stomach hellbent on destroying him when he first sees how strong Kageyama Tobio is.

Shouyou sees strength in how Kageyama Tobio, 5’10 scrunched-nose-hands-in-pockets, carries himself: with a fire in his eyes and an unwavering confidence of his place on the court.

Shouyou sees it when their eyes first meet outside the restroom, he sees it standing opposite of him across the net, and he sees it in the way that Kageyama is the only one on Kitagawa First’s team to be genuinely threatened by him.

“That point was stolen from us, _by him._ ”

At the sound of The King of Court yelling at his teammates to _wake up, this isn’t over yet_ , _one more_ , Hinata takes a deep breath and wonders, is this what it means to be strong?

“What have you been doing for the past three years?!” Kageyama is only a couple of breaths away when he shouts into Shouyou’s ear from the other side of the net. Shouyou still can’t comprehend that he lost. His mind races at a million miles per hour, but none of these thoughts manage to communicate with his numb body.

“Shouyou, c’mon. We need to line up,” Ikejiri’s nervous tone brings him back.

Kageyama’s burning question still echoes in his ear when he finally breathes in, when he lines up, when he mechanically follows his teammates off the court, and then once again, when he looks back.

He looks back at Kitagawa First, because this is his first opportunity to catch a glimpse of what victory looks like, of what strength on a court must feel like.

His glance only lasts three seconds, but in this, he processes two things.

The first one _completely sucks_ and it’s:

  1. Indifference.



Kitagawa First are talking, _laughing_ , barely even sweating, like they hadn’t just played on the court, like they didn’t just stomp and crush Shouyou’s heart, like Shouyou was never a challenge to begin with. They’re acting like no time has passed and that their lives are the same now as they were 31 minutes ago, like Shouyou had just wasted 31 minutes of their lives with two sets riddled with failed receives and missed tosses. Like Shouyou didn’t go into this game with anything but winning on his mind. 

The second thing he processes doesn’t completely suck and it’s: 

  1. _Ah, that’s what victory looks like._



Of all the players on the other side of the court, Kageyama Tobio is the only one radiating _something._ Though it’s too soon for Shouyou to articulate what exactly that _something_ is, it feels all too familiar to him. The same frown is still on Kageyama’s face, but his scrunched nose is replaced with furrowed eyebrows —Shouyou knows he’s gonna get wrinkles in his teens _latest_ if he keeps this up—but he looks like a winner. Like someone who fought on the court and won.

Shouyou is jealous.

———

Shouyou’s first time witnessing a flame for the sport that burns as strong as his is in Kageyama Tobio.

Shoyou is only fifteen, but he understands the reflection of unwavering strength and the desire to win and to stay on the court. Shouyou feels it in himself, and he sees it in Kageyama when he looks down at him from the stairwell that sets the stage for the beginning of their story. The sunset paints the sky a nostalgic shade of pink and orange, an ode to something that is yet to come.

(“If you want to be the last one on the court, get stronger.”

Shouyou knows a challenge when he sees one. 

He accepts.

He’ll get stronger.)

**[ 8.5 ]**

He does get stronger, and it’s with the help of Kageyama Tobio.

It’s the feeling of the first toss he sends Shouyou’s way.

All of the years waiting in anticipation to experience a real toss and to hit a real spike never prepared him for the actual rush of joy and adrenaline that raced through him that morning in the second gym.

It’s the promise of many more to come.

**_As long as I’m here, you’re invincible._ **

There’s no greater feeling than knowing you have the trust of your setter.

Those words never leave Shouyou, nor does the feeling.

He feels strong.

**[ Eight. ]**

During their final set against Aoba Johsai, Shouyou throws the words back at Kageyama.

Mostly because he can, but also because he means it.

Even though Kageyama promised him invincibility, Shouyou knows that invincibility is a fleeting dream and impossible on the court. No team can be invincible, in the same way that there is no win or loss guaranteed in the game of volleyball.

So he plays with the words around in his mind and rolls them on his tongue before he settles on what feels right.

“With me around, you’re the strongest!” Shouyou shouts with all the power and the truth he holds in his small body. He grins at how Kageyama’s face looks at him in shock— _almost a little awestruck_ , Shouyou thinks—and then he grins even wider when he hears Seijoh’s ace in the background say he sounds cool.

Shouyou _will_ be bragging about this.

He may not believe in invincibility on the court, but he does believe in strength.

And Shouyou also believes that with him around, Kageyama has never been stronger.

———

(They don’t know it yet, but they continue to bring out each other’s strength for years to come.)

  
  


**[ 7.5 ]**

Shouyou and Kageyama fumble their new attempted quick set again. 

Kageyama lets out a string of curses that Shouyou has never heard in his life before storming off. Shouyou matches his fervor, making sure to stomp off just as loudly but in the opposite direction.

He stops after a couple of strides because Shouyou decides that he _will_ be picking a fight.

He turns around, ready to let Kageyama know what an idiot he is, but Kageyama is already on the other side of the gym.

How lame.

Shouyou makes a mental note to tell Kageyama that this is a point on the record in his favor because Kageyama should have known better than to think Shouyou would take this lying down. 

Kiyoko hands him a water bottle and he mumbles out a small _thank you_ before making his way towards the third years who are gathered around a tablet. 

These past few weeks, all of Karasuno have thrown themselves into learning new attacks and defenses, and Shouyou knows Daichi, Suga, and Asahi have been trying to nail down the synchronized attack they had seen at the last Tokyo training camp.

Suga is currently screaming and shaking the tablet angrily. Clearly concerned for the livelihood of their coach’s poor tablet, Asahi grabs it away from Suga, who looks like he’s one breath from tossing it over for Tanaka to spike.

The third years are clearly not doing well with the attack, because even Daichi is letting out exasperated moans of _how did they do that we tried 22 times tonight what the hell._ He tells Asahi to press play again nonetheless.

Ever such a good senpai, Suga ruffles his hair when he arrives and squats even lower so Shouyou can see the screen clearly over his shoulders.

Together, they replay the Brazil national team’s synchronized attack. 

Shouyou watches four attackers kick off towards the net, then he watches #4— _the ace_ , he quickly realizes—jump from the back center and land a spike untouched on the other side of the court. And that’s match point.

Something flickers inside his chest.

The tablet volume is low, but Shouyou feels the echo of the audience’s cheer all the same.

He feels it more than sees it on the small pixelated screen. He feels it in the way the ace shakes his fist in victory, in the way his teammates gather to slap his back, in the afterglow of victory on their faces.

Still overwhelmed with complete amazement, Shouyou stands in the middle of the Karasuno gym and his second home, and his jaw drops in awe.

The feeling in his chest feels faintly like it's glowing.

It reminds him of the pounding, all-consuming rush he felt when he first saw the Tiny Giant on the television screen.

It’s a similar devouring wave of adrenaline that just strikes him through the heart.

There’s no Tiny Giant on the screen, but his heart is racing all the same at the sight of the Brazil team celebrating their win on a grainy tablet video.

 _I want to be_ **_that_ ** _strong_ , Shouyou thinks.

———

(A piece of a puzzle falls into place.

His flame burns a little brighter, and from this day on, the flames never stop climbing in his chest.)

**[ Seven. ]**

It’s the second game of Spring Interhigh Preliminaries when Shouyou envisions an umbrella and aims the ball off the fingers of Kakugawa High’s #9.

It’s a block out, not a spike.

It’s also the first time he’s scored a point with something other than a quick.

Shouyou has always understood his place in volleyball as someone who’s 5 foot 3 playing a game designed for people with height.

His disadvantage has become a strength for him, his motivation to fight.

Right now, watching the ball land, Shouyou feels like a winner. 

(Throughout the game, the members of the audience are whispering, _look at Karasuno’s #10 he’s so tiny, I feel kind of bad for him._ Yūdai Hyakuzawa himself even tells his teammates something along the same lines _, he’s trying so hard but he’s so small._ They all think it’s so unfortunate that number 10 can fly so high, but lacks the height.

They say these things, as if Shouyou doesn’t already know, as if he isn’t already thinking it himself from across the court.)

Shouyou knows his weaknesses and he has already heard of the whispers that he’s _useless without that setter, the one that went to Kitagawa first._

But right now, a small boy, known only for his quicks and as one half of the Karasuno dynamic duo, manages to score a point— _the winning point_ , the voice in his mind screams—against a middle blocker that’s all of 6’7.

With the cheering going on around him, Shouyou knows his teammates are celebrating advancing onto the next round, but Shouyou is celebrating a personal victory.

5’4 ( _yes, he rounds up this is a milestone win for him, therefore he is allowed to exaggerate his height._ ) vs 6’7.

He scored the winning point off of a block from someone who was 6’7.

He feels so strong in his small body.

 _Actually_ , Shouyou thinks, _5’3 versus 6’7 sounds like a bigger landslide and more epic, no?_

———

(A couple of months later, Shouyou is a ball boy for the first time in his life.

Shouyou’s hunger for growth and his love for volleyball—which has become synonymous with his love for life—is contagious.

That week, with just a few words of advice and a smile, he lends a bit of his love and hunger to Hyakuzawa, who is feeling small in his 6’7 body.

It’s not a bucket of cold water that wakes Hyakuzawa up, but sunshine in its most primal form that welcomes him into a new reality where he thinks _if Karasuno’s number 10 thinks I can do it, then maybe I can._

So Hyakuzawa learns to play the game. He learns to take his time.

Radiant as the sun, Hinata Shouyou is the first one to light Yūdai Hyakuzawa’s flame for volleyball.)

**[ 6.5 ]**

When Natsu interrupts his Ultimate Lonely Passing Drills, Shouyou’s ready to call her annoying and force her to leave him alone.

Instead of shooing her away, he watches how she bounces the volleyball in her still-too-small hands and bursts into laughter when she falls softly on her butt.

Years have passed since Natsu was the little baby that held onto Shouyou’s thumbs while he cooed at her and since then, their relationship has steadily evolved. As of today, she sits right alongside Kageyama as the only other thorn in his side.

Shouyou smiles fondly at her chasing after the volleyball before it rolls too far away. It’d be nice if Natsu finds something down the road that makes her as happy as volleyball does for him.

He’s grateful though, because Natsu has finally reached the age where she can take his teases without crying to their mother. She understands now that Shouyou’s jabs at her height or her pigtails are just another way he shows that she’s one of his favorite people. 

When he begins to show her how to do his Ultimate Lonely Passing Drills, Natsu looks ready to kick him in the shin for being a condescending, _mean_ big brother.

Instead of calling him dumb, Natsu watches how the volleyball bounces perfectly off his fingertips, over and over again, and her face slackens in awe. The soft contemplative look on Shoyou’s face tells her that the ball is no longer a stranger to him. 

Natsu hugs the volleyball closer in her chest. It’d be nice if she could make friends with it, too.

When Shouyou catches the ball and turns her way, Natsu is glowing at him with twinkling eyes.

“It used to be like the ball was a stranger,” Natsu’s beams, “But you guys are like best friends now.”

Shouyou takes in the excited look on Natsu’s face. Her wide smile and genuine wonder, directed at _him,_ fills Shouyou to the brim with immense warmth on this cold January evening. It gets him emotional. He wants to be someone Natsu can be proud of. 

Shouyou looks down at the stars in her eyes, and then up at the moon in the sky, and smiles. 

**[ Six. ]**

The sweat-covered hardwood floor of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium isn’t the world stage, but with the way Shoyou feels on top of everything right now, it might as well be.

Before the game started, Hoshiumi Kourai found Shouyou on the sidelines and said to him, “Let’s find out who the real little giant is.” 

Shouyou has never been one to turn away from a challenge, so he’d nodded and gone into the first set with full intentions of laying claim to the title. 

By the third set, adrenaline is racing through him, hotter than usual. When he jumps, it feels like flying.

When Shouyou lands, he no longer craves the title of Little Giant. Instead, he grows into another title, one that chased after _him,_ despite his reluctance to accept it. 

“If someone was going to give me a nickname,” Shoyou says out loud to no one in particular, though he feels his teammates’ eyes on him, “Then I think the Strongest Decoy is a good one.”

His eyes are focused on where Tanaka’s landed the ball across the net. Shouyou loves the thrill of scoring, so he basks in its afterglow even though the spike wasn’t his.

The Strongest Decoy _is_ a cool nickname, one that Kageyama and Karasuno have used many times to remind him of the great power that Shouyou holds over their opponents. It’s taken a couple of matches, a couple of wins, a couple of losses, but the title finally settles into his bones during this game against Kamomedai and Hoshiumi.

With a good run-up and a strong jump, Shouyou managed to shake off the best high school middle blocker.

Shouyou glances at the frustrated-but-determined grimace on Hirugami’s face and decides right then: he will allow the Strongest Decoy title to follow him, but he will never allow it to limit him.

He may be the Strongest Decoy right now, but one day, he’ll be the strongest at everything.

For now, Shouyou looks over to where Hoshiumi is listening to him self-narrate his epiphany. Shouyou holds his open palm in response, “So, you’re welcome to have the name Little Giant, Hoshiumi.”

Hoshiumi does not seem to appreciate his kind gesture.

“Don’t say it like you’re giving it to me!” Hoshiumi rages, “It was mine to begin with!” 

Shouyou is taken aback by this outburst, but when Hoshiumi throws his head back in laughter, Shouyou realizes that Hoshiumi really embodies everything he’d imagined the Little Giant to be.

Hoshiumi levels Shouyou with a challenging smirk, and Shouyou hears everything he doesn’t say, so he smiles and nods back.

He accepts the new challenge that Hoshiumi puts on the table.

He may have given Hoshiumi the title of Little Giant, but he hasn’t lost yet.

The match continues with the Little Giant versus the Strongest Decoy.

(Miya Atsumu is watching with pure, unfiltered glee at Hinata’s movements on the court. To the untrained eye, Karasuno looks uncoordinated and frantic, but Miya Atsumu is the furthest from untrained.

He’s the best high school setter.

Inarizaki’s loss yesterday still weighs on him, but Atsumu cannot deny the pleasure that comes with watching Hinata Shouyou zig-zag his way from one end of the court to the other, followed by Tobio-kun using him as a decoy to jerk the opposing blockers around.

Atsumu already misses the feeling of controlling his spikers. He can’t help the laugh of joy that bubbles out of his mouth when Kamomedai allows the slightest hesitance at Hinata’s jump, costing them another point. When Osamu calls him an asshole for having too much fun, he laughs even harder.

Atsumu leans on the railing and smirks into the sleeves of his jacket.

One day, he’s going to be the one tossing to Hinata Shouyou.

.

.

.

Kenma smiles and claps his hands at Shouyou’s diagonal jump.

Had it been any other day, or any other team, Kenma’s face would be buried in his jacket as he begrudgingly sits in the stadium seat that his teammates have glued him to.

But right now, Kenma is still riding the high of Nekoma’s loss and the best volleyball game he’s ever played.

He wants to see more.

The Final Boss has progressed into another round, and Shouyou is facing a player that holds even more EXP points than Shouyou himself, and Kenma gets to watch it all. He’s watching Shouyou play against someone who could as well be _his_ Final Boss, but Kenma hopes not. He wants to see Shouyou make it to the top.

Shoyou serves and it’s a normal one, but Kenma knows it is only a testament to how much more Shouyou can and will grow, so he claps anyway.

Kuroo is shooting him jaw-dropped glances every time Kenma acts a little obscure and out-of-character, but Kenma can’t help it.

Kenma smiles and leans forward over the edge of his seat.

He's having so much fun.)

The match continues with the Little Giant versus the Strongest Decoy, but the challenge between them is left unfinished.

———

“Let’s find out who the real Little Giant is,” Are the first words Hoshiumi Korai says to Shouyou when he steps on the court.

And “Hinata Shouyou, I’ll be waiting for you,” Are the last words Shouyou hears when he is hurried away from it.

**[ 5.5 ]**

Turning the tables on Aoba Johsai and Oikawa Tooru.

Defeating Ushiwaka and Shiritowizawa.

Standing by Karasuno as they are crowned the best in Miyagi.

Feeling Natsu’s admiration for him when he showed her how to bump the ball.

Claiming victory over Inarizaki and Miya Atsumu.

Winning the long-awaited Battle of the Trash Heap.

Seeing the pure look of joy on Kenma’s face when he calls volleyball fun.

Shouyou never wants to forget these feelings, ever.

**[ Five. ]**

**_Today, you are the defeated._ **

Shouyou is laying alone in a small motel room after the tournament. His thoughts racing 500 miles per hour, like they’re trying to make up for the lack of energy exerted, the lack of steady run—ups completed,the lack of jumps accomplished—all of which were robbed from him by a cheap plastic thermometer flashing a cursed number.

_39.1 celsius._

Of all things, it’s three digits that effectively brings Shouyou’s journey at nationals to an end.

In the past couple of hours, Shouyou has been numb, trying to ignore the sudden turn of events and trying to convince himself that it’s all a dream.

But the effort of trying to bend reality to his will has only increased the pulsing ache in his head, so for a brief moment—just a very small one—Shouyou will allow himself to crumble into his body and wallow in the pain.

Shouyou is tired of pretending, so he tells himself this: He’s a fool for thinking he could be the first Greatest Decoy that aids the Great Karasuno to the top.

And well... so much for a small brief moment, because Shouyou just opened the door for his thoughts to spiral.

The pain in his head and the hurt in his heart are suffocating.

Shoyou thinks back to his first real loss with the team, the crushing defeat of their first official tournament. He remembers the complete helplessness that overtook him when Karasuno fell to their knees across from Aoba Johsai, the team that got to rise even higher. He remembers the sudden loss, the heavy dread, and the regret. 

And most vividly, Shouyou remembers how he vowed to never, ever feel regret again. He would never let Kageyama—or any setter—apologize for tossing to him.

Ever again.

Never.

And yet, laying in his small motel room, _alone_ —while his teammates at least have each other for comfort—regret weighs heavier on him now than it did back then. The drowning silence echoes in his ears.

Shouyou is a fool for ever thinking the burden of defeat was unavoidable.

Back then, the frustrations that took over him were released through rough shoves and an aggressive tackle. Shouyou and Kageyama were on the brink of punching and kicking each other on the grass, just to feel something other than the loss and the heartache of leaving the court.

Right now, Shoyou can barely move his finger, let alone throw a fist.

But he remembers how Takeda-sensei’s words had cut through them like sharp glass.

**_“Does losing prove that you are weak?”_ **

Back then, he flinched in the heat of Takeda-sensei’s stare and immediately thought _“No, of course not.”_

But right now? He’s sick and feverous and choking back tears and everything _hurts_ , so he thinks “Yes, yes it does.”

**_“Isn't losing difficult for all of you?”_ **

In volleyball, losing once in a tournament means it’s all over.

And they lost.

It hits him all at once:

It’s really over.

For Daichi, Asahi, and Suga. 

For the Karasuno team as he currently knows it.

For his first team.

It was their last chance to make it to the top, but that’s gone... so it’s over.

 _So yes,_ Shouyou curls into himself smaller and hugs his pillow tighter around his fist, _losing is fucking difficult._

_**"Or [is losing] a challenge where, ending up on your hands and knees, you must see if you can stand up again?"** _

Right now, Shouyou doesn’t know if he’ll stand up ever again.

Instead, he allows the tears to slowly pour onto his pillow.

His pillow has actually already been wet for hours from the sweat that won’t stop collecting at his forehead and neck.

It’s a painful reminder that his collapse on the court actually happened and that yes, he is _in fact_ sick.

Tears join the puddles of sweat on his pillow and it’s a whole pity party of misery and illness on his sheets and he might as well just drown here.

Shouyou’s breathing is heavy, his head spinning, and he’s just so _sick_.

And he can’t stop thinking of it. The— 

_The flashing lights, the sudden dots behind his eyes, a sea of black clouding his thoughts before he blinks and he’s on his knees in the middle of the court with his teammates’ frantically shouting around him._

The painful memory comes back to him, as does a new fresh wave of tears, this time accompanied by choking sounds that force their way out of his mouth.

 _The blur of being rushed off the court, the ringing silence when his temperature is recited back to him, the cries of his heart screaming to please,_ please _let me_ _play._

He might be screaming right now, but he can’t tell if it’s just in his head.

Shouyou concludes that yeah, it’s all his head, because his helplessness rings all too loud in the quiet room.

_The stadium doors closing behind him. The overwhelming shadow of being small._

Indulging in his current lack of sanity, Shouyou allows himself to pretend once more.

Shouyou sees himself, sees Kageyama, sees the third years, and the rest of Karasuno on the court again. In this alternate universe, Shouyou is blessed to receive one more toss, to do one more run-up, and to finish one last jump. This time, there’s no fever. He doesn’t fall.

Shouyou laughs out loud into the room, and it’s definitely the medicine making him this delusional. 

But then with a heavy swallow that sends fire down his throat, his laugh slowly fades out, as do the tears.

He smiles wistfully into the darkness of the room, and thinks, “Maybe in another life.”

In another life, Shouyou is sure, the Karasuno team under Daichi’s leadership makes it to the top.

However, in this life, their journey has ended and they are left behind as Kourai Hoshiumi and Kamomedai move forward.

All Shouyou is left with is regret and the haunting thoughts of _I should have taken care of myself, I should have tried harder for that one serve, I should have run faster for that ball, I should have jumped higher, I should have flown higher, I should have been stronger._

And he _could_ have been stronger—if he had just taken care of himself.

He really has no one to blame but himself.

That, Shouyou thinks as he lifts a weak hand to wipe away his tears and his snot and braces himself for another round of sobs,, is all he has left in this life.

Except—

He releases a shuddering breath.

That’s not true.

He weakly uncurls himself and turns to lay on his back. He stares numbly at the ceiling.

Shouyou can’t really say that. He got a lot in this life.

In this life, he had the chance to play with Karasuno.

In this life, he was lucky enough to be on the same side as Daichi’s receives. He got to witness Suga’s duality of chaotic scheming and patient mentorship. He got to play volleyball with Karasuno’s _ace_.

Shouyou blinks twice. And then he breathes.

In this life, he was able to be Tanaka’s kouhai. He got to witness firsthand hundreds of Noya’s rolling thunders. He got to see Ennoshita, Narita, and Kinoshita rebuild their love for the sport out of their own ambition.

The weight in his chest begins to feel a little lighter.

In this life, he got to see Shimizu pour her heart and soul into her manager role, and he got to see Yachi go from Villager B to a main character. He was able to grow with Takeda-sensei’s words and Coach Ukai’s teaching. He was present for Tsukishima’s volleyball moment, and he got to see Yamaguchi land his first float serve.

He smiles to himself.

In this life, he got Kageyama’s tosses.

Shoyou makes up his mind.

If there are a million universes out there with a million timelines with a million different lives, he is grateful he got to be in this one. There’s nowhere he’d rather be than with Karasuno.

_“If you stay on your hands and knees, that proves that you are weak.”_

_“There is no guaranteed win or loss in volleyball.”_

_“As long as I’m around, you’re invincible.”_

Shoyou hears a knock on the door.

He is still shaking, but now it’s just from the fever, and not as much from heartache. The regret lingers, but it’s not consuming.

Still, Shouyou is physically weak enough that can’t stand. He uses all of his power to sit up.

And then he speaks.

“Come in.”

The door opens, and one by one, the faces of his teammates—family—peek in. Shouyou’s heart glows to see them once again.

He locks eyes with Kageyama, hovering behind Suga like he wants to know how Shouyou is doing but doesn’t want to get close enough to catch Shouyou’s germs.

 _“I win,”_ Kageyama had said to him before Shouyou’s final steps off the court, “ _This time, too.”_

Shouyou knows a challenge when he hears one.

So once again, he accepts.

_**Today, you are the defeated.**_

In this life, he had wings.

And he still does.

He will get stronger, and he will fly even higher.

_**What will you be tomorrow?** _

———

(That day, the flame that burned inside Shouyou came close to extinction.

It’s terrifying how just one day, one unfortunate event, one thought could take so much from a person. 

But for Shouyou, just when the fire was one breath away from dying out, it came back, stronger than ever. It sat in his chest, roaring the loudest it ever did, and consumed Shouyou’s entire soul.)

**[ Four. ]**

Strength, Shouyou learns, is knowing where to grow.

It also means knowing when to leave.

His flight to Brazil is taking off in two hours, and then he’s going to be gone from Japan.

Overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who are here to say goodbye to him, he gives tight hugs to his friends, his mentors, his mom, and Natsu. They’re all crying.

(Except Tsukishima, but Hinata is 100% sure he’s crying on the inside so that’s okay.)

Shouyou gives an extra hug to his mom whose hands are silently shaking when she grips the back of his shirt, and then another one to Natsu whose head now reaches his stomach. Natsu is wearing her Yukigaoka Girls’ Volleyball Team jacket, and Shouyou remembers a time when he only had those girls and the corner of the gym to practice with, a far cry from his time with Karasuno.

He says a mental _see you later_ to Kageyama, who isn’t here with the rest of them. He’s already been chosen to stand on the world stage.

Kageyama chose the Olympics over Shouyou, and Shouyou couldn’t be happier for him.

 _“I’m moving on ahead,”_ Kagayama said to Shoyou when he was selected for the All Japan camp three years ago.

Shouyou knows.

He’s going to catch up. 

He boards the plane.

———

(Brazil is a new world, a new challenge.

The flame burns a different color, but burns all the same.)

**[ Three. ]**

Shouyou is tired, and he’s alone.

It’s his ninth month in Brazil, and the only thing he has learned is: the sand really fucking hates him.

Also that he tans easily.

But mostly that the sand _really_ fucking hates him.

Shouyou gave up a year after graduation to prepare for his two-year training in Brazil. He burst into the country with full confidence that he would grow at an outstanding rate, accomplishable only by him.

But then…

He learned that beach volleyball was really fucking hard.

Gone was the allure of a new adventure, and in came the flood of homesickness and doubt.

In hindsight, homesickness _was_ a new adventure for Shouyou, who had never left Miyagi in his entire life. He never really had to. Miyagi was his home, where his mother and Natsu were, where the second gym was.

He’s been in Brazil for nine months—which was around the same amount of time it took for him to build a home at Karasuno—but the sand and the beach still feel like passing strangers.

Of all the times Shouyou has looked a challenge in the eye, he’s beginning to think this is one he might not be able to win.

These past few weeks, he’s been operating on autopilot. He wakes up, fails at jumping in the sand a couple of times, loses a couple of games against the locals, goes to work, gets ignored by his roommate Pedro, ignores Kageyama’s line messages, sleeps, and repeats.

The routine, the repetition, makes it all a little more bearable. 

But his breaths have been a little deeper, his sleeping a little lighter, his footsteps a little heavier.

Shouyou knows, on a surface level, why he’s here.

He knows why dropped everything to move to Brazil.

_All the way across the fucking world to Brazil._

Shouyou knows he came to Brazil to play beach volleyball, to win, to catch up to Kageyama on the world stage, to become stronger.

Shouyou knows this, so why does he have to keep reminding himself that he’s here for a reason every day?

Why does it feel like something’s slipping out of his grasp?

Today has been an exceptionally long day, and the long days are always the hardest.

The sand felt a little more resistant than usual and his wallet—that his dear baby sister had gifted to him!—was stolen from right under his nose. A couple of months ago he would’ve shrugged it off as a sad, misfortunate turn of events before plowing on at full speed into tomorrow. However, it’s _not_ a couple of months ago, it’s _today,_ so Shoyou opts for sitting in the corner of his room, feeling as though every bit of defeat from every game he’s lost is weighing him down.

Shouyou feels like there’s a flame inside of him that’s being put out.

He presses his back against the wall and hugs his knees.

He misses his baby sister.

He misses his mother.

He misses his Karasuno first years.

He misses his best friend.

He misses home.

Shouyou feels his heart tighten and his eyes burn.

_Why am I here?_

His shoulders shake.

Shouyou doesn’t know the answer to that question.

.

.

.

He blanks out for a bit.

The next thing he knows, his eyes are still burning and his mind is still ringing, but the shapes in the room become a little clearer. The familiar sight of the volleyball on his bed regrounds him.

He breathes in once, holds it for a second, and releases.

Feeling slowly returns to his body.

Today is one of the longest days Shouyou has had in Brazil so far and it’s barely past dinnertime. Today has driven him into a corner.

Literally.

Shoyou blanches. He just processes that he’s been sitting by his pile of dirty laundry for an hour.

With that, wallowing in the corner of his room loses its appeal, and he’s tired of being depressed by himself.

Shouyou decides he’ll go be depressed on the beach instead, because why the fuck not be sad where the root of all his problems lie?

———

(One day, he’s going to look back, and these collections of weeks are going to be a blur. He won't remember its events, but he’ll faintly recall his tears in the shower, his little breakdown in the corner of his room, the crippling feeling of loneliness surrounding him. He won't remember how he got to the beach when everything boiled over, or how he was choking on his heart when he biked there, but he’ll always remember what happened after.)

———

Shouyou’s original plans to be sad on the beach by himself get foiled by an invitation to fill in for a player in another round of beach volleyball. Shouyou has an Achilles’ heel, and it’s ultimately his love for the sport and his inability to turn away from it. 

And so he is in the middle of a fun, lighthearted game with some locals and some tourists and he realizes—

_Maybe the sand doesn’t fucking hate him all the time._

A particularly good receive bounces off his hands. Shouyou watches it fall perfectly into the hands of the man playing setter before it gets spiked over the net. And that's match point.

He smiles.

_The sand._

He digs his feet into it a little deeper and feels the grains kiss his skin.

_It can be strict, but also kind._

He ignores the voice in the back of his head that reminds him that the sand is still unfamiliar, because the familiar joy of playing and scoring tickles him. 

“Nice kill!” Shouyou excitedly yells in Japanese to his teammates who are exchanging high fives.

They do a double-take at his exclamation. 

Ah yes, Shouyou had briefly forgotten that the Brazilian sea breeze cannot translate his language. His smile twitches slightly when the confused faces of his “teammates” blink back at him.

Shouyou does the translation himself and gives them a thumbs up to convey his message.

It’s difficult to drown out the nostalgic memories of celebrating wins with group huddles and pats on the backs from teammates, and he watches the unfamiliar faces around him do just that with each other. Shouyou turns back and looks to the net.

This match was a victory under his belt—albeit one he has to celebrate by himself—but a victory all the same.

He is all too aware of how the sand is currently swallowing the soles of his feet, but this time, he wiggles his toes against the grains in retaliation. 

The sea and the beach may be unknown territory, but the exhilaration of winning… it greets him like an old friend. He missed it more than anything.

The Brazilian waves crash in the backdrop. He’s in a better state of mind than he was a couple of hours ago, but there’s still an itch he just can’t scratch.

But then— 

A couple of words travel to Shouyou’s ears and jerk him out of his reverie.

Something that travels to his ears without getting lost in translation… Japanese?

_No fucking way._

Shouyou turns around.

The chills running down his back make him feel like a bucket of cold water has been poured over his head.

Shouyou forgets what he was just thinking about, and his thoughts clear—of course they do because he’s actually so confused and doesn’t think he’s ever felt such a loud, resounding _what the fuck_ echo in his brain.

Shouyou blinks, once, then twice. And then he screams with his entire lung in the direction of a familiar setter who stares back at him just as incredulously:

“The Grand King?!” 

———

Shouyou won’t remember a lot about those weeks, but he'll remember the itch that was scratched when he met the eyes of Oikawa Tooru standing across the sand.

Oikawa looked familiar.

He looked stronger.

Shouyou will also wonder if Oikawa’s first impression of him was the same.

In the days that followed, Shouyou and Oikawa spent their days and nights together rekindling each other’s spark for the sport.

Oikawa, who had spent the past year knowing nothing but a fixation on becoming the best by working and rinsing and repeating, became grounded again by the Chibi-chan’s warm light.

With Hinata’s vulnerable confessions of his fears and his struggles, Oikawa realized that he saw himself in Hinata. They had both fallen into the same traps their minds had built. 

Oikawa had allowed his thirst for improvement to consume him. He dealt with it by entering a trance of speed that did result in rapid improvement, but at the price of the pure joy he used to get out of the game.

So Chibi-chan became Hinata, which became Shouyou, because Shouyou reminded him that volleyball was fun.

Shouyou, who had spent the past nine months building a relationship with the sand and the sea, was reaffirmed by Oikawa’s stories of homesickness.

The two of them shared a hunger for strength and for the world stage, but the cravings for home that clouded their visions proved to be an obstacle neither of them had foreseen.

But there, on the Brazilian beach, Shouyou and Oikawa swapped soft whispers of insecurities and goals that were brighter than the lights of the city that reflected off the crashing waves.

Now, a piece of Shouyou’s flame dedicates itself to Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa sits there alongside his middle school friends, Karasuno, and Kageyama.

What Shouyou doesn’t know is that Oikawa’s flame completely reignites because of Hinata Shouyou. Hinata sits there alongside his best setter award, Aoba Johsai, and Iwaizumi.

(Both their hearts glowed when Oikawa laughed, sprawled across the sand, and shouted, “Volleyball is fun!”

Shouyou remembers laughing too, and how he thought, _Yeah. Yeah, it is.)_

**[ Two. ]**

The strongest people that Shouyou has ever played with are currently standing on this court.

He feels at home in his black and gold jersey that wraps like silk around his body, and he feels at home in the Sendai City Gymnasium.

Shouyou is playing on a hardwood floor that has all the memories of his youth carved into its surface, but he’s not thinking of those trials and tribulations right now.

Instead, he thinks of this: the familiar sensation of sunblock sticking to his skin in the burning heat, the all-encompassing domain of a refreshing sea breeze, and the way the sand kissed the soles of his feet. 

And then:

He digs.

.

Shouyou is no longer 5’3”, but he is still small.

And with all five-feet-eight inches of his small body, he bumps a perfect receive from a jump serve that had landed four consecutive service aces against France in the 2016 Rio Olympics. 

And then he runs, thinks of the sand under his feet one more time, and jumps.

The slam of the ball on the other side of the court is resounding.

1- 0.

The crowd cheers, and the thundering noise surrounds Shouyou on all sides and douses him in a warm, comforting feeling. Shouyou almost thinks he can hear Tanaka’s and Suga’s incredulous high-pitched hollering surface on top of it all, but his mother and Natsu’s screams beat them out from where they sit in the front row with clappers.

Shouyou beams.

In that moment, one that only lasts three seconds, Shouyou is taken by the memory of his high school years. The solid ground of the hardwood floor and the dim lights of the Sendai City Gymnasium bring his youth back to him. 

Shouyou’s eyes race from Atsumu, to Sakusa, to Bokuto, then across the court to Ushiwaka, to Hoshiumi, and then finally—his eyes settle on Kageyama.

It only takes about three seconds, but in that he processes two things:

  1. Shoyou is made of a collection of all the players he’s met throughout the years, all of whom have been a part of his journey, from that one fateful Wednesday afternoon outside the electronic store to his V-League debut in Miyagi today.
  2. Standing on the court right now? The thrill of the game and the exhilaration of flying? This…this is home.



Shouyou can’t stop the overwhelming joy that exudes from his heart.

He throws his head back and laughter tinged with hysteria spills out, in the middle of the game.

“I’m here!” He shouts with every ounce of his being and his soul.

Shouyou knows the scream gets lost in the cheers of the crowd, but when he sees the fire in Kageyama’s eyes from the other side of the net, his heart tells him that Kageyama and the rest of Karasuno heard him loud and clear.

 _Yeah_ , Shouyou smirks and gets ready to fly one more time, _I’m here._

_And I’m stronger now._

_———_

(In the months that follow the game, Kageyama is relentless in teasing Hinata for how long it took him to get there. He does it with a fond hand in Shouyou’s hair and a dumb pout on his face that tells Shouyou that he doesn’t do it to belittle his journey. Even though Kageyama won’t say it, Shouyou knows it's because he missed him. 

Because Shoyou knows the feeling all too well.

Except one day, Kageyama does say it. It takes a couple months of casual train rides between Tokyo and Osaka, shared visits back home to Miyagi where they watch Natsu’s games with Niiyama, monthly dinners and game nights with Miwa, but Kageyama eventually says it. He also tells Shouyou about his grandfather, who was the first person to light his love for volleyball, but also the first person to snuff out the flame when he passed away.

Kageyama shares with him the years where his hyper-fixation on volleyball was born out of the desperation to become stronger, to meet someone stronger, and to make truth out of his grandfather’s words. Kageyama confesses to Shouyou that he doesn’t think he loved the sport in those years, but played it because it was the only thing he was good at and the only thing he knew. Kageyama tells Shouyou about how the sport saved him.

And Kageyama tells Shouyou that between the years of his grandfather and Karasuno, he gave volleyball his entire body and mind, but never his heart and soul.

Not until he met Shouyou.

Shouyou listens, hums in the right places, and lets Kageyama finish.

And when Kageyama is finally done, Shouyou calls him a dumbass.

He ignores Kageyama’s affronted squawk in response.

Shouyou remembers when he saw Kageyama for the first time, 5’10-scrunched-nose-hands-in-pockets. He remembers how Kitigawa-First-Kageyama carried himself during that faithful restroom encounter, and he remembers how Kageyama had taken Shouyou seriously when the rest of his team never did.

But more than that, Shouyou remembers—and will never forget—the fire in Kageyama’s eyes when he played on the court. Even then, Shouyou knew that wasn’t the fire of someone who didn’t have his heart in the game.

Shouyou thinks these two truths can coexist: For a period of time, Kageyama had forgotten how to love volleyball. But his heart and soul never forgot what it meant to him.

Shouyou truly believes that, because this is another feeling he knows all too well.

Shoyo thinks of Brazil before he met Oikawa, before he befriended Pedro, and before he found a partner in Victor. He thinks of Brazil before it became a home, when it was riddled with long days and failed jumps.

Volleyball is a sport where you can’t hold the ball and can only touch it for split seconds at a time, but Shoyou could live in those fleeting moments where the ball meets his hand forever. 

Shouyou has learned that you don't necessarily have to love volleyball at every given moment to know that the court is still where you’ll be the happiest. 

He tells Kageyama all of this.

Kageyama’s blinks.

“When the fuck did you grow more than two brain cells?” he asks. 

The genuine tone of wonder and amazement is what insults Shouyou the most.

He’s about to rip into Kageyama because Shouyou has always had more than two brains cells thank you, when—

“Are you—Are you crying?!” Shouyou yells when he sees the wet sheen over Kageyama’s eyes.

“No!” Kageyama blinks harder and grabs Shouyou’s whole face and shoves it into the couch. “Idiot, I’m not crying.”

Shouyou feels Kageyama use his other arm to wipe at his face.

Shouyou pushes Kageyama off and bounces back up. He stares up at the same face he’d seen all those years ago. Except now, it’s not 5’10-scrunched-nose-furrowed-eyebrows in front of an old gym’s restroom, but 6’2-scrunched-nose-small-pout on Shoyou’s couch.

His eyes are a little wet and a little red, accompanying even redder cheeks, but Shouyou sees the fire in them all the same.

Shouyou promises Kageyama that he will never let that fire die again.

And Kageyama makes the same promise back.

Kageyama becomes Tobio that day.

Shouyou and Tobio are both crying by the end of it.)

  
  


**[ One. ]**

Strength is leaving again.

At the Narita International Airport, Shouyou—23 and grown—comes to an understanding that leaving is the first and the hardest part of any journey.

Brazil, once again, is calling to him, but it takes all the strength he has to say goodbye to the home he has right now.

Despite the shadow of a farewell, Shoyou has years of learning and growing under his belt that have taught him that he can and will make a home wherever he goes. 

The MSBY Black Jackals have been a family to him, but he never viewed them as a replacement for Karasuno. He now has more than one family, and he also has more than one home.

Shouyou shed a tear—many tears, actually—leaving their Osaka training facility with a cleared locker last week.

But like Karasuno, the MSBY’s will always be with him, and Atsumu, Sakusa, and Bokuto are actually with Shouyou right now at the airport.

The first time Brazil called him, Shouyou had to dedicate many years of planning and mentally preparing himself to fly out to a foreign land to learn the basics of beach volleyball. That was years ago, and now Shouyou has his alter-ego of Ninja Shouyou under his belt, as well as many successful sets, receives, and serves in the Japan’s V-league tournaments. 

This time around when Brazil called him, Shouyou only had to negotiate his player contract. This time, he’s heading back to Brazil with the promise of a starting position on their national champion team. 

It’s time for him to leave again, and Atsumu, Sakusa, Bokuto, Yachi, and Tobio are gathered to see him go.

He has bittersweet farewells with all of them.

Atsumu is shamelessly crying, sniffling, and whining about how his favorite wing spiker is leaving for good. Shouyou knows he’s lying because Sakusa is right there holding out a handkerchief for him, but he gives Atsumu a longer hug and an extra pat on the back for being dramatic. Shouyou, in return, tells Atsumu that he will always be his favorite setter, even though Atsumu knows he’s lying because Tobio is right there, holding Shouyou’s duffle bag with a scowl on his face. Atsumu lets out a wet laugh and gives him an extra squeeze for good measure.

Sakusa gives Shouyou a last-minute parting gift. It’s a bottle of sunscreen, and Sakusa has a deadpan look when he pulls it out of pocket like it hasn’t been an ongoing gag that Shouyou has an excessive amount stocked up. It’s reminiscent of their MSBY 4 inside jokes, and Shouyou actually gets a little choked up but laughs along with the rest of the group. Shouyou has always found Sakusa the funniest of their group, much to Atsumu and Bokuto’s dismay. Shouyou hesitates on moving in for a hug, but it’s Sakusa who opens his arms first, and Shouyou is a little more than choked up now. And he nearly does cry into Sakusa’s sweater, but Sakusa flings him off the moment he hears Shouyou sniffle.

Bokuto is the biggest mess. He’s loud like always, but surprisingly he’s not sobbing yet. It’s most likely because hasn’t stopped rambling in the last 12 minutes with words leaving his mouth at the speed of light, literally narrating the process of events. Yachi has taken to nodding along with everything he says in affirmation, and Shouyou recognizes Bokuto’s rambling as a nervous tick and method of self-distraction. Shouyou dives headfirst and wraps his arms around Bokuto’s middle and cuts him off in the middle of a sentence, and Bokuto falls silent for two solid seconds before letting out the loudest wail that turns half the airport heads to look at them. 

Shouyou is definitely crying now, and unlike Omi, Bokuto lets him get tears on his jacket because Bokuto is getting even more tears onto where he’s pressed his face into Shouyou’s shoulder. He’s going to miss playing with these three. The four of them started in the same boat in their respective high school teams, but their individual journeys led them all to the MSBY Black Jackals. Shouyou has had some of the best years of his life playing, and winning, in the V-league with them.

His time with the MSBY Black Jackals and Karasuno sit comfortably in his heart.

Of their Karasuno First Year crew, only Yachi and Tobio are here because Tsukishima hasn’t skipped a day of practice since the MSBYs absolutely destroyed the Sendai Frogs in the last tournament and Yamaguchi has recently been promoted in his office which means unescapable long hours.

After Atsumu and Sakusa pull Bokuto off, it’s Yachi’s turn to cry into his other shoulder. She’s babbling into his chest how she really doesn’t want him to die and to please be careful. Shouyou laughs where his chin rests on top of her hair. She’s still the same Yachi from their younger years, but he remembers a time where their height difference was only a single inch, and a time where she was only an assistant manager for a ragtag volleyball team and not the successful designer she is now. He remembers a time when she helped Shouyou and Tobio grow into the players they are now.

Shouyou's stronger now because of her, and because of Tobio.

Shouyou, 23 and leaving for Brazil, truly understands what strength is.

Strength is leaving Tobio, his partner, now in every sense of the word.

Shouyou’s goodbye with Tobio is the fastest out of all the ones he’s just had.

The days and weeks leading up to right now had been laced with nostalgic smiles and longing touches. Tobio and Shouyou have been exchanging their goodbyes with moments shared on trains between Osaka and Tokyo, linked pinkies on the crowded streets, and soft whispers under each other’s sheets.

Tobio had written his goodbye on the back of Shouyou’s hand when they had walked through the crowds to get here, and Shouyou traced the same shapes back into his palm. Neither of them are really leaving the other though, because Tobio will be back at the airport in a couple of days time, to embark on his own new journey as a starter on Italy’s national champion team.

Ironically, the two of them had actually fought over who would leave first as they booked flight tickets together in Tobio’s living room. Still a little bitter from five years ago, Shouyou was not above reminding him with a pout and sad eyes that Tobio was not there the first time he had left for Brazil. 

(That argument had tallied up to be his 1264th win, a much more attractive number than his 1261 losses.)

Despite their packing and planning together, their imminent departure from Japan still cast a shadow over them in the past weeks, but their commitment to meeting again in the foreign leagues echoed the same sentiments of shared promises on empty staircases back when they were young. 

Right now at the airport, Tobio only gives Shouyou a ruffle of his hair, a brief kiss on his cheek, and a tight hug that lingers for a little too long. 

They both have wet eyes when they pull apart.

Nothing really needs to be said, because they both hear all the promises that have been exchanged in the past days, the past years, the past decade.

Shouyou does let Tobio get the last word though.

“See you later, Shouyou.”

Shouyou only nods up at him as he rapidly blinks the tears out of his eyes.

It’s a tender moment.

And it’s broken a sudden wail.

Shouyou and Tobio startle to see Atsumu and Bokuto holding each other and openly sobbing in each other’s arms while Sakusa stares at his two teammates in disbelief. Yachi is also shaking and silently crying into another one of Sakusa’s handkerchiefs.

Tobio does his little scunched-nose-furrowed-eyebrows glare and marches over to them angrily for their disturbance.

Shouyou watches fondly as Tobio gently rests a comforting hand on Yachi’s head, but uses his other hand to smack Bokuto upside in the back of his head and land a fist on Atsumu’s hair before yelling at them for being idiots. Sakusa takes a picture.

Shouyou will remember this scene for the rest of his life.

He is fueled by this overwhelming amount of love and gratitude.

How lucky is he to have been able to meet these people, to have this life?

Shouyou has always associated volleyball with friends and family. He knows the sport will always connect them, and provide Shoyou a home no matter where he goes.

When Shouyou makes it to the gates, he turns around one last time to wave goodbye. 

He takes a second to engrave his final glance at the group, at five of his favorite people waving back at him, into his memory.

Then, he hitches his duffle bag a little higher up his shoulder and walks away.

**_The back of the ace will always be an inspiration._ **

(The last thing Shouyou hears is Bokuto letting out another sob and Tobio yelling at him to _please shut the fuck up_.)

Shouyou boards the plane with a smile.)

**[ Zero. ]**

**Ja-** **_pan!_ **

Shouyou is still staring at where the ball just bounced on the other side of the net. Sweat runs down the side of his face as his heart climbs in his throat.

Cheers erupt around him as Japan takes the final set of their game against France. 

He only faintly processes the screams from Atsumu, Gao, Suna, Hyakuzawa as they come running from the sidelines, nearly tripping over Sakusa who is already plopped onto the floor. He feels, rather than hears, Hoshiumi’s yell when he jumps onto Shouyou’s back, effectively making him stumble sideways to where Aran steadies them both with shaking hands. It quickly becomes a group huddle when Bokuto barrels into Aran from behind and knocks them all over. 

Shouyou feels like he’s having an out of body experience as he laughs and shoves Atsumu’s elbow out of his face. He turns just in time to see Komori do a belly-flop right on top of Sakusa and Yaku leap onto Tobio’s back. It becomes a second pile of sweaty men because Tobio grabs Ushijima’s arm and pulls him right down with them. Shouyou can already hear Iwaizumi’s forthcoming lecture about how their antics shave years off of his life.

Japan’s side of the court is complete chaos, but it’s so completely them.

Shouyou feels the vibrations of his teammates’ laughs, cries, and screams. His eyes lock with Tobio, who has a blinding smile on his face even though he has Komori’s knee digging into his back and Ushijima’s legs squashing his stomach.

Shouyou gets it.

He knows he has the same look on his face. The familiar joy of victory bubbles in his chest.

Japan has one final game tomorrow against Argentina and Oikawa Tooru, but with his teammates screaming in elation as they roll around on the Ariake Arena’s hardwood floor, Shouyou feels like they have already won Gold. He wishes he could live in this moment forever.

Shouyou feels more than strong.

In this moment right now, he understands why Tobio promised him invincibility all those years ago.

It’s on the court where he has made the best memories, met the best people, and told the best stories.

It’s on the court where he has always been happiest.

Shouyou doesn’t know what will happen tomorrow, but he does know this:

On the court, Shoyou is invincible.

**[ Minus. ]**

**_Because people don't have wings..._ **

And so, maybe Hinata Shouyou can’t really count how many times he’s felt strong on his two hands. Because he feels a little stronger every day.

His fire never stops burning.

**_....we look for ways to fly._ **

**Author's Note:**

> i sincerely hope this brought light and joy and a sense of affirmation to anyone who read it, and i hope you leave loving hinata a little bit more. :')
> 
> i first started haikyuu mid-august and hinata definitely sparked something in me and gave me so much hope and reminded me of all the good in the world!! also this was my first time writing prose in almost ten years.., yeah… anyways I love him and maybe projected a bit, ssh.
> 
> Again, thank you to my [beta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboat) and hq bestie [littleboat](https://twitter.com/littleboatau) for going over this. please read their fics!!
> 
> And follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/oatmvlks) where I post art occasionally and cry over hq regularly :)


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